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As seen in The Collaborate Alliance Blog, October 2009
Even the most amicable divorces can be emotionally difficult. Rarely do you hear, “This is huge news. We’re ecstatic,” from involved parties, even in lopsided court settlements.
Then again, rarely are same sex partners given the go-ahead to divorce…in Texas, anyway. In fact, it’s never happened before.
But last week, as reported in The Dallas Morning News, Dallas state District Judge Tena Callahan ruled that two men married in another state can divorce here and that the state’s ban on gay marriage violates the U.S. Constitution.
Now, we’re not here to argue the merits of gay marriage. In fact, we’re not here to argue at all. (That’s one of the proud hallmarks of Collaborative Divorce.) The Collaborative Alliance exists simply to make dissolution of relationships a more reasoned and respectful process – one that creates healthier outcomes for all parties.
Why might a same sex couple in Dallas consider The Collaborative Approach?
• The Collaborative Process is private – between you, your partner, and your Collaborative team. Instead of a public fight in a courtroom, your Collaborative dispute is handled respectfully, discreetly and without public drama.
• Life decisions are made by clients, not the courts. Whether or not Judge Callahan’s ruling is upheld or struck down, why would any client want to put their fate into the hands of the courts? The Collaborative Alliance facilitates respectful, efficient conversation, avoiding intervention by courts.
• The Collaborative Process helps you maintain a more complete community network. In any adversarial dissolution, friends can feel forced to side with one partner or another. But the cooperative tone established in collaboration helps prevent such disruption of other life relationships, so your support network is more intact.
• Collaboration paves the way for more effective co-parenting after divorce. Open dialogue, respectful communications and the assistance of legal and mental health professionals assures both partners that they’ll be building a foundation that will allow for better co-parenting even after their relationship is dissolved. And that’s healthier for everyone – parents and children alike.
Whether dissolving a marriage or untangling a long-term relationship, The Collaborative Alliance can help couples, gay or straight, achieve a healthier outcome. Talk to us, and we’ll help you talk to each other.
For more information, visit The Collaborative Alliance http://www.thecollaborativealliance.com/blog/?p=83
For more information on family law solutions, visit www.aj-familylaw.com
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By Jody L. Johnson
Clients frequently ask about their obligation to pay or ability to receive alimony. Texas Courts have limited authority to order alimony after a divorce is granted. However, while your case is pending, the Court has unlimited authority to award temporary spousal support. The Court will consider the needs of the requesting spouse and the ability of the other spouse to pay. The Court will additionally consider the health and age of the parties, ability to work, responsibility for children, availability of funds, and the length of the marriage. As a general rule, temporary spousal support will be ordered for a limited period of time and in an amount necessary to cover the basic necessities of life. To receive alimony after divorce (referred to as “spousal maintenance”), generally you must have been married for a period exceeding 10 years, and in certain situations, you may be qualified to receive up to $2,500 per month for a maximum of three years. It is also necessary that you show that you have been diligent in seeking suitable employment or developing skills necessary to become self-supporting. There are some exceptions, such as in the event you have an incapacitating physical or mental disability or you are the custodian of a child of the marriage who requires substantial care because of a physical or mental disability that impacts your ability to work.
For more information on family law solutions, visit www.aj-familylaw.com
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by Carla Calabrese
As seen on The Collaborative Alliance Blog
Affairs are one of the leading reasons sited for divorce. And while traditional divorce attorneys often tell clients that affairs are not appropriate cases for Collaboration, the opposite is actually true. (In fact, a quick poll of the attorneys on this blog roll would confirm that most of their cases involve affairs.)
Whether you’re the spouse who’s discovered the affair, or you’re the one who is having it, Collaboration can create a better outcome than giving up control to the courts – healthier for children, more private, and more financially beneficial.
Now, If your spouse had the affair, you may be thinking, perhaps even justifiably, “I want him/her to suffer. I want their paramour to be scared or embarrassed by a subpoena – serves them both right!”
While these emotions are natural, acting on them is dangerous and just plain bad business. Unfortunately, there are attorneys who fuel this bitterness and acrimony. And by stoking adversarial fires, they can actually protract the proceedings. Guess who “wins” then.
Traditional divorce involving a workplace affair is especially problematic. If the boss finds out, your spouse could be fired! And if that spouse is a substantial or even sole source of income, everyone loses.
Worse, sometimes having an affair with a colleague could give rise to a lawsuit for sexual harassment. Community dollars that you could get in the divorce settlement would be spent on lawyers defending a sexual harassment suit or more likely, paying off the paramour. (Yes, it happens!)
Yet there are adversarial lawyers who pursue workplace affair cases for “stay at home moms,” knowing that litigation may be jeopardizing the couple’s only significant asset – the husband’s job and/or career.
Collaborative Divorce works best for affairs because:
1. It protects all parties’ privacy. No matter which side you’re on, you want privacy. Collaborative divorce is a confidential process. No court, no hearings, no deposition of your boyfriend reciting all the sordid details, no girlfriend being cross-examined on the stand at your trial. No public statements from the cheating spouse about why they “needed to look outside the marriage…” Privacy is your friend. Collaborative Divorce is the only real way to assure it.
2. Legal costs can be lessened. In the collaborative process, the affair is dealt with mainly by the mental health professional. If one or both spouses desire, the mental health professional can meet with them individually and/or together outside the purview of the lawyer. This can dramatically decrease legal costs.
3. It keeps the control where it belongs – with the clients, not the courts. You can reach your goals with more dignity and more efficiently than litigation could ever provide.
Sometimes, despite an affair, a couple actually reconciles during Collaboration. Given the confidential and non-blaming nature of the process, this makes sense. The opportunity is there and has not been destroyed by aggressive, alienating actions often taken in a traditional divorce case.
That’s the benefit of Collaborative Divorce in every case – less damage, more dignity. And that’s something all divorcing couples can use help with, especially in the case of an affair.
For more information on The Collaborative Alliance, visit www.thecollaborativealliance.com
For more information on family law solutions, visit www.aj-familylaw.com
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By Jody L. Johnson
Contemplating divorce is scary, and lack of information further drives fear. There is so much information on the internet about divorce that it is virtually impossible for a lay person to separate fact from fiction. The best course of action is to talk to more than one competent attorney. I recommend getting personal referrals and then checking out those individuals by reviewing their website, checking out whether they have any complaint history with their State Bar, as well as looking at other peer review ratings that might be available for attorneys in your area. Just as you wouldn’t generally select a doctor randomly, you should be just as cautious in selecting an attorney. Consider talking to friends, your minister, CPA’s, or attorneys you may know who do not practice in the area of family law. Martindale-Hubbell Peer Review Ratings attest to a lawyer’s legal ability and professional ethics, and reflect the confidential opinions of members of the Bar and Judiciary. The ratings cannot be purchased by attorneys.
You should expect to pay some kind of consultation fee to see an attorney. Again, think about if you were going to see a doctor to get advice on what is wrong and how to treat the problem. You expect to pay for their expert advice, and seeing an attorney is no different. Although there are good attorneys out there who don’t charge for consultations, most do, because good attorneys are busy and can afford to charge for their consultation time.
Before the consultation, write out a list of questions that you have so you don’t forget to get your important concerns addressed. A good attorney will be patient in responding to your questions. You will want to ask about the attorney’s level of experience: do they have experience with the particular issues in your case, and how often do they go to court in the area where you reside. You will also want to make sure that you understand the steps involved in your divorce, and ask the attorney how you can best protect yourself during the process. Again, the attorney should gladly respond to all of these questions. If it feels as if the attorney is putting you off (“we’ll get to all of that later”), I would say that is a red flag that the attorney is more concerned about signing you up as a client then serving your interests.
Look for an attorney who asks you lots of questions about what is important to you (e.g. quality time with your children, keeping your business, etc.). You want an attorney who is listening to your concerns rather than one who does all the talking and tells you what they will do. Be wary of attorneys who make promises about the outcome of your case. No competent attorney can tell you that in a consultation; they don’t have nearly enough information. Also be wary of attorneys who act as if they will come out with “guns blazing” for you. Although that may feel good to know that someone will be your protector, more often than not, an extremely aggressive approach is counter-productive to your interests. It will likely increase the level of hostility with your spouse and decrease your ability to reach a favorable settlement. At the same time, it will increase the attorney’s fees dramatically, which benefits the attorney but not you. That being said, you need to know that your attorney knows how to prepare a case for trial if necessary and then actually try the case. Find out how much experience they have at the courthouse.
As far as steps you can take before you see an attorney, the best thing you can do is to gather and organize information. Absent a true emergency, do not make any major decisions in advance of consulting with an attorney. Don’t move money, withdraw money from financial accounts, cut off your spouse’s ability to use credit cards, etc. without getting some professional advice.
It will help you and your divorce attorney if you are able to organize your financial information. Make a budget that lists all current monthly expenses of the family, including any unusual expenses that are coming up (replace roof; college tuition payment, etc.). Also make a list of all of the assets (house, bank accounts, retirement, life insurance, cars, etc. – not a list of your furniture and furnishings) and debts. Include accounts numbers if you have those. Make copies of the last 3 years of tax returns, most recent pay stubs for you and/or your spouse, and the most recent statements for your financial and retirement accounts. Don’t worry if you don’t have access to this information. Lots of people don’t and your attorney can help you obtain it. However, if you do have it, it helps you stay ahead of the curve.
Depending on the issues in your case, it may also be helpful to copy cell phone records, emails, credit card statements and Face book pages if there is concern about an affair.
For more information on Kip Allison and family law solutions, visit www.aj-familylaw.com
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By Kip Allison
The most important step you should take in planning for a divorce is to hire an attorney who will inform you about your options and help you make decisions for your futures. This is your divorce. The decisions you make now will have lasting effects on your children and your financial security. Now is not the time to surrender control. You want to find a lawyer who will act as a professional partner with you; one who will inform you about all of your legal options, help obtain relevant information, and explain the pros and cons of each possible option so that you can make the best decision at this critical time.
If you don’t like everything that you are hearing from the attorney, then the attorney is probably shooting straight with you. No client has a perfect case. You do not want a cheerleader or best friend who tells you what you want to hear. You need accurate information to make informed decisions. If you are contemplating divorce, you are not functioning at your best. You need a clear-thinking advocate.
Even at the initial consultation, an attorney should be able to clearly explain to you a general strategy for getting you divorced, and explain the reasons why the strategy is recommended. You should feel comfortable with the attorney and if you don’t, find someone else. Rely on your instincts.
Clients have the option of litigating or collaborating their divorce. Litigating means that your disputed issues are resolved through the court system. A collaborative divorce is an option if you want to resolve issues away from the courthouse, focus on you and your children’s interests, and have control over the outcome. The process incorporates the benefits of a neutral financial professional and mental health professional (sometimes referred to as “divorce coach”) to help you and your spouse communicate more effectively and develop and negotiate parenting and financial plans. There is a contractual agreement to stay out of court. You should inform yourself about these options in advance of seeing an attorney and consult with an attorney who is knowledgeable about both options. A lawyer who only practices family law one way cannot fully inform you and you may end up selecting a process that is not best suited for your situation. Also be cautious of an attorney who only practices in one arena and tells you that your case isn’t suited for the other; there is an obvious financial incentive on the part of the lawyer who will lose your business if he recommends an options for you that he can’t provide. For more information about the collaborative option, see the website for the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (www.collaborativepractice.com) or the state organization in your particular state.
For more information on Jody Johnson and family law solutions, visit www.aj-familylaw.com.
